By Nim, Geekcrafting and Uberdorkage
So there I was, finally with a cat in my home! Poor kitty had nowhere to sleep, except for errant sunbeams (the horror!). For years I’d drooled over knitted kitty pi beds and at long last had a recipient! I gathered up some wool hand-me-downs that I thought would felt nicely like in the pictures and started knitting. And knitting. And knitting. Long story short, I ended up with a huuuuge disc of wool that looked like a spare tire cozy. I honestly thought it would magically felt down to size. I guess the felting fairies were off that day. Luckily, my cat liked nice warm tire cozies. I tried a second version of the kitty bed, and this time I went conservative. Yep, that’s it in the picture, unfelted (that is, unshrunk), with my cat bravely lying more or less on top of it with only his shoulder truly fitting into something that roughly resembled a floppy woolen ashtray.
Ok, so sizing wasn’t my thing. I thought I’d make it up to kitty by whipping up a toy for him from leftovers around the house. I happened to have lots of leather around, so I grabbed a largish scrap and sewed up the largest cat-grabbable shape the leather scrap would allow. I stuffed it with leftover batting and—to make noise inside—some stiff crinkly plastic (like the kind wrapped around flowers that my clueless dude would buy from the supermarket when he forgot a special day. I had a lot of that saved up). I really thought hearing something crunch inside would be intriguing for kitty. Sometimes I forgot he wasn’t a rather furry human infant.
So, skip ahead and you can see here the most SFW picture we could manage to take of the toy. First, the batting I used made this embarrassment too lightweight to be much fun for kitty. Second, the shape is, well… let’s just say we would put the toy away when granny or the nieces came to visit. I thought putting button eyes on it (yes, I made sure to use two rather than just one for the joke) would make it less penile, but no. Then it became just a tool with button eyes. Judgmental, private(s) eyes. Third, if kitty ever did play with it, it was just awkward to watch. How do you root your kitty on? … No, anything you could possibly say to kitty would be just too personal. This toy was just a fail on multiple tiers.
Sigh. Sorry, kitty. 0/3.