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Bird House/Church/Bordello. With Glitter.

What we have here is something that I would highly recommend that you not make as a Christmas gift.  That is, unless you think you can do a better job than me.  Which, given the enormity of this fail, is not entirely out of the realm of possibility.

I like to call it The Best Little Birdie Bordello In The Midwest!  Because, really, that’s what it is.

The thing was so hideous that I took 2,483 pictures of it and not a single one came out in focus!

I really wish I could blame this one on Martha, but I can’t.  I was inspired by Amy at Mod Podge Rocks  And, while I was inspired by her, I would like to be very clear.  Her bird houses are gorgeous.

I don’t know what sent this over the line from “small mistake that can be fixed with another coat of paint” to “oh my gosh!  wrap that thing in triple ply plastic bags before you throw it away!” but it happened somewhere between failing to sand the Dollar Tree birdhouse before painting it and failing to allow the Mod Podge and paint to dry thoroughly before applying the beautiful glitter.

I put it on my deck but no birds would visit it during the day.  And at night they looked suspicious as if they were just waiting for the bird police to make a bust on it.  Seriously.  Little sparrows would go up to the bluejays, grind out their little birdie cigarettes on the deck, and ask, “You a cop?”

Oh for heaven’s sake.  I was just proofreading this post and I realized that thing at the top is a steeple!  Oh my gosh, that makes it even worse.  Some little innocent hummingbird is going to take her little hummingbird children to what she thinks is just a tacky church …

Posted by MaryBT from

13 Responses to Bird House/Church/Bordello. With Glitter.

  1. JHill says:

    Hi. Lar. I. Ous.

  2. Deborah says:

    That’s not a steeple – it’s a chimney.

  3. Fanboy Wife says:

    The description is absolutely hilarious! It really makes the birdie bordello worth it!

  4. Mary, you are awesome! This cracked me up. I’ve had quite a few birdhouse fails. . .

  5. Notagirlymom says:

    Can’t wait for the birdie madam to move in! LOL

  6. val says:

    I love this place! hahahaha!

  7. Mary says:

    Okay, you know it’s bad when not one single person on Craft Fail says, “Oh it’s not so bad. It’s better than I could do!” hahahahahahaha.

    I can’t paint. I don’t know why I continue to try. lol.

  8. Tammy says:

    Loved the idea “birdhouse bordello”. Loved the “wish I could blame it on Martha”. But it doesn’t look so bad to me?! I like bright colors. And glitter.

    I had a birdhouse I painted once, it was so bright and garish – no birds either. I’d add a post about it here if I didn’t throw it away a while back.

  9. KMOM14 says:

    LOL on your description of it! You could glue some silk flowers and greenery to it and call it a fairy house (or bordello).

  10. Shelley says:

    Your post titles are hilarious! I could entertain myself reading the titles alone.

  11. Therese says:

    That is just too funny! Thank you for sharing it. Your writing was very, very entertaining. What a good way to start my day

  12. Linda Ellis says:

    Today I googled “how to put glitter on a birdhouse” and your project came up first….this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time…I had to put my paint brush down and tell you (as my fingers are sticking to the keys) because I just finished glittering the roof of my birdhouse which is going to be a “bunny house” with a pale pink roof. You are too funny!!! And I really needed a laugh on this Monday afternoon. Thanks for your humor!! and keep on crafting….it’s fun!!! Linda in SOUTH ALABAMA!

  13. Laura says:

    This is super great. My girlfriend and I got these recently and glitterfied them today after seeing Crafty Chica’s blog. I wish we could post pictures in reply, as we talked about putting one on here! Not that bad, once you go glitter, you have to do all over glitter.

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