So, I’m in the craft store looking for cheap easy ideas that a five year old can do, and I stumble upon the bead section. I don’t like fussy, so I opt out of the smaller beads. Then the choice is Perler (which I didn’t get) or pony beads, which I had experiences with when I was five. I go for the pony beads. Then I have to find something to string them with. Craft lace it is. Keychains? Check. How can this go wrong? Oh let me count the ways:

Well my first idea was to do a basic outline of a Mario pipe. See, I was gonna do a whole set of outline keychains, until I realized…craft lace isn’t that sturdy. It’ll bend, but it won’t stay.

Ok, so I’ll lace it like you’re supposed to. Well that works. Til the 4th row. Then it bends. And I mean horribly. I end up with a really weird green…well flower isn’t the first word I thought of.

Then I thought, well what if I keep the outline idea but put loop the lace in the last bead of each section? It curves AND bends.

So now I’m struggling to keep my cool, as I’ve had to unlace and relace the damn thing a good dozen times. At this point I’m ready for the superglue. Which I tried. And glued my fingers together. Now it’s time for this to die. I’ll get out the model glue that melts plastic together and then string it. Aha! We’ve stumbled across an idea that will finally defeat this fail-proof project.

Except, you see, the model glue that melts plastic together won’t work on pony beads! It’s here that Prince Blah (aka the boyfriend) points out to me that the lacing is crossing and is too big to be used, oh and that it frakking curves/twists inside the row of beads. Which would explain my curves and bends on the fourth row.

After much browsing on the internet, cuz I was sure that I was doing something wrong (I was!)…I found melted pony bead art. And in order to get them to make more interesting things, I think I have to break them with a hammer. Which let me tell you is going to be the most cathartic thing I’ve ever done with a craft fail.

When life hands you a fail-proof craft… set it on fire. Or break it with a hammer.

Super Mario Craft. Nailed it.

Reprinted with permission from princessmeh