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The Pintester Takes On The Paloma

I was in New York last week, and while I was there, I went to this fancy-pants speakeasy where they had old-fashioned snooty cocktails called things like The Old Fashioned. (Right?) I wanted to make fun of the douche-baggery, but honestly, they were the best freaking cocktails I’ve ever had.

So I returned to my home state eager to try my hand at some of my own cocktail concoctions. The Paloma looked promising on Pinterest, mostly because I had an approximation of all of the ingredients.

Perfect Paloma Cocktail by Drizzle and Dip

Well, approximation. The blog post waxes poetic about reposado tequila that is sucked from the agave leaves by the mouths of virgins and aged in barrels made from Jesus’ cross for exactly 17 years and 2 days.

I didn’t have any of that shit. I used Jose Cuervo, mayn.

I also did not have any fresh grapefruits or limes. (Big surprise there.) So Ocean Spray came to my rescue.

It’s surprisingly difficult to find out how much grapefruit juice is in half a grapefruit. When I Googled it, the response was largely, “OMG, you shitstain! I cannot believe you are too lazy to juice a damn grapefruit! You do not deserve to know the answer! You are dead to me. Dead.” So I guessed.

It will be no surprise to you that I guessed wrong and ended up with no room left in the glass for the club soda…

… a problem easily solved by drankin’ somma dat shit. So I did and then topped it off with the club soda.

I have to tell you, it wasn’t that bad. I mean, I’m sure the Holy Tequila would have made it better and stuff, but you can’t really go wrong with juice and tequila. (I might embroider that on a pillow.)

To see more of Pintester’s tests (most of which are also CraftFails), check out her blog at

The Paloma cocktail - nailed it

16 Responses to The Pintester Takes On The Paloma

  1. Robbie says:

    lol, even a messed up drank is still a drank. down the hatch!

  2. Dolly says:

    I gotta get some of that Holy Tequila.

  3. E says:

    So you substituted 3 out of the 4 ingredients and the one that you kept was water? No wonder you failed.

  4. Elusis says:

    I don’t understand what’s douchey about an Old Fashioned, or good liquor in a cokctail. Usually CraftFail is pretty funny but this just comes off as resentful about half-assing something and then presenting it as sour grapes – “I didn’t want your stupid cocktail anyway.”

  5. SkyesBlue says:

    Entertaining as always… and seriously, who wants to take the time to buy a grapefruit, take it home and juice half of it? Way to go, Pintester!

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  7. Dr. Pepe says:

    You know, an old fashioned is an awesome drink and if you ever venture to Wisconsin (not that we really want your “douche baggery” labeling type) you will find that tons of people on the Eastern side say brandy old fashioneds are their drink of choice. And, failing at a cocktail takes some serious skill…

  8. Pingback: The Paloma | Pintester

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  10. Angela says:

    Love it!

  11. jamie, maybe says:

    Wow, you sure have some haters up in hurrr. Haters gon’ hate, but I think you’re freaking hilarious, and I’m quite sure we’d be friends in real life if we ever met. Just sayin. Love the blog!

  12. Mikey says:

    You got me at paloma….that has to be one of my favorite drinks of all time….your take is hilarious!

  13. Brenda Walls says:

    too funny!! I never have some of the things (or even heard of some) they ask for so I too have to compromise. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. Lol, fun to do anyway!!

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  15. Cheri says:

    I for one was laughing my butt of, which I could use more of! You can’t go wrong with juice and tequila, lol!

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