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The Pintester Takes on Healthy Gummy Bears

I have to start this whole thing out by admitting I’m not really into gummy bears, and, honestly, I’m not really into healthy stuff, either. But these are healthy gummy bears, and I’m going to try them because I am a glutton for punishment.

The picture is a little misleading because the banana gummy bears are the gross-looking yellow ones… And, yeah, they look gross, but when has that ever stopped me before? Pretty much never, dudes. Pretty much never.

Also, the ingredients are banana, lemon juice, gelatin, and sugar substitute, and I usually have that stuff around. (After all, you can’t make a Tom Collins without lemon juice.)

Here’s the banana sitting in the lemon juice.

banana in lemon juice

I elected to moosh it together in the pan I planned to cook it in because I am lazy and don’t like to wash extra dishes. Also, I used a whisk to moosh it. Same reason. Once mooshed, it looks like this:

mooshed banana

Then you heat up the banana mooshture for a while. I am unclear on why you do this step, but you do.

heated banana moosh

Then you put it in your blender and try not to make the whole thing explode because there is heat and steam and you don’t ever blend hot things because you are scared of blending hot things and you are going on Amazon right-freaking-now to buy that stupid immersion blender and you mean it this time.

blended banana moosh

Then you let it cool, add the gelatin and sugar substitute, and blend again. This, of course, renders your gummy bears inedible to vegetarians. Sucks to be you, vegetarians.

add gelatin

Next you pour your tiny mixture of banana gummy into a thing where it can form into gelatinousy goodness. When your housemate opens the fridge and screams, you must promise that you are not refrigerating vomit. Or not, if you’re sort of tired of your roommate anyways.

gummy bears unbeared

Time passes.

It still looks like vomit, but it’s fairly solid now.

banana jello

There was some amount of cajoling required to get this out of the plastic container. My method involved running hot water over the bottom and then twisting the container until I could pry the banana brick out with my fingers.

ready to cut gummy bears

Here’s where you probably need a tiny, cute, bear-shaped cookie cutter. And here’s where you get excited if you’ve ever read one of my posts before, because you know what’s coming. (Heh, coming.)

penis cookie cutter

Jiggly, jiggly penises that are just the right size and actually taste good when you put them in your mouth.

No, but seriously, these don’t taste that bad. The lemon is a little more powerful than the banana, but it’s not unpleasant. And just the fact that I have a container full of tiny, jiggly penises in my refrigerator makes me gleeful, so it would have almost been a win even if they tasted like actual penis.

(The one in front only has one testicle because I ran out of room on the banana block. But it’s ok. Junk comes in all shapes and sizes and I do not discriminate… Wait, that makes me sound easy. I do discriminate, but not based on the number of balls you have… er… uh… oh, nevermind.)

gummy penises

To see more of Pintester’s tests (most of which are also CraftFails), check out her blog at Pintester.com.

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